- me: this fic fucked me up so bad and i cried for hours
- me: here read it
My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms 23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed
you need less jesus
Things I'll Say While I'm Driving
- Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.
- Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.
- Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.
- Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
- Me: Shit is that a cop? No.
- Me: Shit THAT is a cop.
- Me: /dinosaur screams/